Before I started to read it, I assumed it would be like the Japanese novels that have been written for and released on cell phones—more or less the same old structure on a different platform—and I thought to myself “a novel released in 140-character installments? UNNECESSARY! INDULGENT!” But after reading through a little bit of it, it’s actually kinda clever and meta and even funny at times. He’s even created multiple fake twitter accounts for it and it’s quite interesting how he weaves the story through time and (internet) space. It makes me wonder why with blogs being so incredibly popular we haven’t seen more of this kind of 4-dimensional narrative (or maybe we have and I’m just not aware of it?).
It is, however, written in Japanese, so file this one under “this is only interesting if you know Japanese.”
Actual Metaphors Found in HS English Essays
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
(via twothirty:urbanredneck:peterwknox:jamiek:17thsuitcase:audreyhepburncomplex:merricat:tilly-clark:jours)
one of my favorite short stories by far
‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’ author talks about his literary monster mash-up
(Thanks to Megan T. for the link)
(via unicornology:iguessthatscool:merricat:snowlikedust:ferrydust:ordinarythings: allisfleeting: suzywire)
The Key
a haiku by Ryan, 8, from Beethoven Elementary
I like candy keys
‘Cause they open treasure chests
Then I eat the key
This was from a field trip we did earlier this month at 826LA. I love these kids.
No one belongs here more than you.
– Miranda July’s smartly original website promotion for her first short story collectionAbout Me
My name is Lawrence Denes.After spending 5 years studying Japanese language, culture, literature, and history in St. Louis and Kyoto, I now live in Japan, in a town that most Japanese people have never even heard of, lost amid the rice fields and vending machines.
Please feel free to ask me anything, or send me an email.
